..... .... ... .. . mimi

he seems to have everything...

he got his promotion. he's happy with his job. well he loves it. he earns like around 1.6 to1.8k per month. he's got a great family. good food to eat. he used to have a large sum of savings which he spends. now its left quite abit. still there is. he thinks he's got everything. BUT we he sits down and let his mind wander...

he misses her...
she was the only thing that was missing in his life...
haiz...

i'm sorry b...
can that change everything?

mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
mengagumi tanpa di cintai
tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
dengan hidupmu, dengan hidupmu

telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan ijinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejab saja

Saturday, May 31, 2008 // 6:29 PM

im a loser...

yayi...

he's going anytime... im going to lose another person again for the third time this year. hurts to see ibu cry. but i noe i be there for her... for everyone...

"u really need to get moving"

my frens, i mean everyone tell me that...tell me not to talk about you...the are all sad to see me this way but... i dont noe what to do..somehow i tried but i cant forget you..it seems so hard...maybe i deserve it...

why is it so hard...?

im just pathetic looking at how i am now...sometimes i feel that i deserve better, sometimes i feel that i deserve u...but i myself is confused...

somehow i feel that u still do love me...

life seems longer without u...

it seems so hard to forget u...

maybe its becoz be been thru alot...

maybe its our memories..

time will heal everything...

eventhou it hurts...

eventhough i really love u...

i will live my life waiting...

waiting with a big smile...

maybe we'll love again...

maybe we'll not...

so live ur life the way u want it to be...

the way it makes u happy...

coz mine decided...

i'll wait for u...

coz thats the way that will make me happy....

**i just want to fall asleep in ur arms again, like i used to... i miss u girl...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008 // 1:08 AM

so u still do...

yeah, im overwhelmed that u still read my blog. I tot only ghost read it. So what u can't b like her, so wat u aren't like her, so what u different... Yeah u're happy... I'm truly trilled by that, I really do...

Remember that time when u couldn't sleep do u were thinking if I would go back to my ex, sue... Remember? haha, I would say or express a few million words but I still won't get near even smelling her...
I didn't tell u cos I know u woudnt understand....

Move on? Easy for u to say.... Where u the onewho was left behind? Where u the one who was hurt so suddenly? Were u the one who expected a break up when u know that U WERE THE ONE THAT DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG?

Shafawati shafawati , u are just so naive... U were the one who wanted to break up and u were the one who wanted to work things out... Do u get the picture? What do u reAlly want? U keep letting ppl influencing the way u life then when will u live ur own life? I guess if ur do so, u nvr will...
did I ever ever say that u were cruel? Did i ever say that u were a bitch? Never...NEVER!!!!!
coz I know trufully u were the sweetest girl I ever met but u changed....
What I'm so sad about is that IBU wanted us together... To get married... She had hopes on me...
but I have to wait...

Nur Shafawati, I know what is really in ur heart,

U can't hide it...

U are just running away from it...

U would really remembered my word...
the day when we at esplanade...
the last time we went out...
u can't deny it...
manje I know u still love me....
Deep down in ur heart...
but u are just hiding it...

Its ok,
I'll wait no matter how long...
Coz I know...

Please be the girl I used to know...
the girl I went to sentisa with, to zoo with, to Bangkok with...
tv girl who laugh at me when I run away from a butterfly...

A girl....

Who just hug me when I meet her...

Just be my princess manje who u used to be...
please....
Im begging u....
GOD please!!!!

Saturday, May 17, 2008 // 12:58 AM

It the first time I'm lying down on my bed, writing this post thru my iPod. My heart didn't stop beating since yestaday. It seems that u're enjoying ur life. It seems that I am not. Its quite the opposite. It have not been good. I haven't got any happening time or a nice outing since dun Noe when.. Can't remember how to smile anymore. It seems so easy to hide everything from everyone, by smiling, joking, trying to be happy, but its so hard to pretend to my own self,coz I'm the only one who noes what I'm really feeling. I'm just living a lifefull of lies, lies to everyone. Maybe u are rite sue, maybe I should stop looking down at myself. Sue says that I haven't change, still persimistic, always looking down on myself. Well way she says tat maybe its balasan, she ask me if I remebered...what the he'll, yes I do remember it so damn clearly miss suhaili, I remember what I did to u, and u are saying what happen to me and how my life is now smuanye is balasan. Yeah I know u still mad at me, the way u said it says it all... I'm sorry sue.. Today I mean the whole day, I was reminded me of u, of wat I did to u, I'm sorry, but I just was so angry at that time, haiz... If only...ni semua balasan Dari tuhan mimi, of ur wrong doings, sooner or later it will happen, too bad urs is now"... why must I drool about that the whole day fuck!!! Maybe she's rite..

I miss her alot rite now.. I'm happy that's she enjoying her life now... Eventhough I always hope she could do it with me... But as long as she's happy no matter wat she do, I'm trilled for her..
see...
I'm lying to myself again...sometime I wish back then, u would tell me more, talked more, known more... I wished u would understand more, why I did all that, why I saved why I worked so much, it was just for a better future....sometimes I wish u were more like sue...sometimes I wish u were her...but sometimes I wish u wernt thinking toouch, wished u wernt confused, wernt frinkled...

I'm not happy with life, not enjoying...
nothing seems to satisfy me...
nothing!!!!

Oh how I wished...
Shafawati I miss u so much...
why must it hurt me so much?
why...

Thursday, May 15, 2008 // 1:06 AM

aBonusQuestion

it tat a trick question or wat?

"if i invite you to my wedding will u come??"

i had a slight pause... 'to think'
in my heart NO!!! WaT the HELL are U THINKING???
but for the sake of seeing u happy after all these years...
i said it with a strong..."YES!!I WILL!!!" *with entusiasm*

u were the othere girl who i was forced to leave...
eventhou i didnt want to...
eventhou i was still lovin...

sue...

why did u break to silence wen i said yes i will go to ur wedding?
sometimes...
its weird...

how after all she was still talking to me even though she was engaged...
hiding it from her fiance...

its so funny how u can see wat girls do behind their guys...
i only tot guys were the only one who was like that...
hahaha..

CHEERS!!!

Friday, May 09, 2008 // 8:52 PM

loner??

i bought a new fren to accompany me now...

hope i take care of it...

SPIKEY!!!!!

BUY A CATUS??!!! amit it im such a loner...tapi cute kan....

spikey,patrick,my laptop,ipod touch,hp,PSP,ciggies and booze...

thats my life....

tats wat im left with...

sometimes wen i need my bestfren, she just let me down. wat have happened to her. it seems that she's been rushing to decisions. i didnt have a chance to talk to her. i've been bz with work...

but wen i really was missing HER...

u wernt there...

so i cried alone...

with no one to talk to...

u really let me down...

Happy Birthday AYUsayuBAYUkayuLAYUlayu

21st bday...

my sis is old aready...

i dreamt of u being pregnant...

i dun noe but tears started to roll down...

i dun wanna noe wat it means uh...

deep down i noe u still love me...

BUT...

nvm...

i wont give up!!!!!!!

mish u...

Thursday, May 08, 2008 // 10:44 PM